Do you find yourself:
a) Hanging out of windows precariously and risking your life to inform someone of something as trivial as "I'm leaving now"?
b) Walking up and down a 2 foot space with your finger in your left ear and your phone pressed against your right?
c) Talking so loud that you are reminded of when your parents used to make STD calls from Mumbai and you thought they probably didn't need to use a handset to be heard in Delhi?
d) Saying KAAUN? KISSSE? KAAAHAAAN SE? then hanging up and turning to the person beside you (even strangers sometimes) and saying "I have no idea who the fuck that was."?
e) Arguing "No I have FULL signal!!!" even when you KNOW it's got to be you that's caused the other person to call you for the tenth time because of dropped calls.
If you have answered yes to one or more of the above options then you are suffering from Vodafoneitis. They have reeled you into their 4 gazillion plan options and have you shelling out a crap load of money each month, only to end up frustrated, angry, broke and by the end of every month.
I am definitely the average customer when it comes to phone providers. I don't know alot, I honestly don't care to learn about ALL the services they provide and I don't have the patience to sit with 10 sheets of paper and compare all their service plans in front of a massive blowup of a Pug. I know I want to be able to contact people when neccessary, SMS when I don't feel like engaging in conversation and just not lose my mind in the process of doing these two simple things. Anything over this is a bonus.
However I find that, when I dial someone's number, someone that I call every single day, who's details are stored on my phone under favorites, that lives one block away from me, I am greeted by the voice of a woman with an accent that is a mix between a british tranny and a person from Ghatkopar that says "Yo000 have dialed a wronnng numbaaaah" or even better, I get a couple of bitchy beeps and then a message that says "Network Busy." Will someone tell me why the network is busy at freakin 4 am?!?!
I feel like a Vodafone bill should come with an interpreter. When I signed up for the plan and patiently listened to some random overemphatic man tell me what is good for me, I left the store thinking that worst case scenario, I'll be paying a certain amount that I could still afford. Yet, even before I get a bill in the mail, I get an SMS from Vodafone telling me the absurd amount that I owe them. By the time I log onto their website for an explanation for the amount, I have already decided to sell a kidney or two to make ends meet. Then there is the bill.
It has everything you have asked for except the amounts you predicted are nothing close to your estimations. Sure they have thrown in stuff like International Roaming and Caller Tunes which you probably didnt know you signed up for. But it's only like Rs.150 and then there is another Rs.150 and there is that 499 iphone data plan you signed up for cause the dude told you its right for you, did I really send 3000 SMS's?, why was I calling Pune so much?, what's the late fee for?THAT MUCH FOR TAX!?...and thus begins the self assessment saga. It starts with "why this amount," "why these many sms's" and ends up with "why dont I have self control," "can I afford dinner if I pay this bill?"
Vodafone, you are seriously killing the young, newly employeed genre of people who fell for your stupid pug chasing girl commercials. We work really hard for our money and it physically hurts us when half our paycheck goes to you for costs that we really have no explanation for and for services that just add grief to our already angerfilled, hateful lives. And honestly it doesn't help when we call customer care and have to deal with patronizing morons who say "is there anything else Mr. ANKITA (my name is Anika) that I can help you with?" even before I have finished asking my question.
Vodafone you should go kill yourself, and lord knows I'd be HAPPY TO HELP!
